(This is a personal post…come back tomorrow if you prefer more of our juicy B2B marketing strategies)
I almost missed it. It was a dark night, and I was perfectly content to let the train pull me towards 
home after a late night at work.
I’m not sure why I looked up. Perhaps the train had a sudden movement? Or my seatmate stretched? But, as I lifted my head up, I caught a glimpse of something through the branches of a swaying tree. For the space of two heartbeats, a brilliant red and gold fireworks display lit up the night and the tree.
It was gone before I could fully register what I’d seen.
Even as I was marveling at the beautiful surprise, I was mourning how quickly it had disappeared. I felt almost angry, filled with regret that I couldn’t make the train stop and somehow hoard the moment.
I was still puzzling over that feeling of regret when I walked in the door. My 6 year old son screamed “Mommy,” and ran full tilt towards me. But even as he catapulted into my arms, I was equally aware that my older two sons were at camp and that the house felt full of their echoes. My feeling of sadness solidified, and I knew why.
My children are getting older and I’m struggling with it.
To be honest, it seems to be a losing battle. My eleven year old’s world is expanding rapidly — he enters middle school in just a few weeks. Meanwhile, my nine year old sometimes seems happiest away from home and on a baseball diamond, a natural Captain of the team.
I know my job as a parent is to help them embrace their growing independence, but I wasn’t prepared for how hard it would be.
As I pulled my youngest into a hug that night, I realized that I’ve been making a significant parenting mistake. I’ve been letting my sadness over “what was” creep into our “what’s now.”
I know how to be happy during the fireworks display. I have to learn how to be at peace with the quiet night that follows.
To reach Elizabeth:
Phone: 212.840.0017
Email: elizabeth@blisspr.com
Twitter: @elizabethsosnow
LinkedIn: Elizabeth Sosnow
07/26/2011 at 1:54 PM Permalink
Lovely and so very true. We all need to learn how to live in the moment and dwell on that which has already come and gone. Memories are great, but the now is key.
07/26/2011 at 2:41 PM Permalink
I resemble that remark. Well said. But remember that nobody has this figured out, even if they pretend to. Even if they think they do.
07/26/2011 at 3:59 PM Permalink
You may not have them hurdling toward you as you come home, sharing the couch with a twin kindle or charming you with a disarming grin daily, but the way your raised them will mean that your back door opens more often than not to let boys who will never, ever want to be apart from Mama for too long. Everyone should hope to be the kind of parent you are. What’s now, what was and what will be is that they love you heart and soul. You shine just as brilliantly in their skies and always will. Beautiful post. xo – Bean
07/26/2011 at 9:02 PM Permalink
Thanks to my sister, “Bean,” for the loving support
07/26/2011 at 9:04 PM Permalink
A good reminder Jay, since I’ve found that being a parent requires a high tolerance for personal failure. It ain’t easy being green…or…blue…or whatever. You know what I mean
07/26/2011 at 9:05 PM Permalink
How nice to see you here, Kerry! I agree, I’m learning that memories are just a great jumping off point for building a better “now.”
07/26/2011 at 9:12 PM Permalink
so beautiful, truly
07/27/2011 at 1:28 PM Permalink
Elizabeth, you expressed beautifully what I feel so often. I often have to remind myself to relish the moment , not miss the past or project the future. I no longer worry about toys strewn around the house because I know I will miss the reason for the messes when they are grown. Angela
07/27/2011 at 9:16 PM Permalink
What a wonderful post Elizabeth, and so true. For some time I’ve found myself getting sad when I see how quickly my girls are growing up, and this is a great reminder that I need to enjoy them as they are now instead of dwelling too much on the past. Thanks for brightening my day!
07/28/2011 at 9:47 AM Permalink
Hi Angela:
That’s so true about the messes! With my boys, there’s so much dirt. Does this mean I have to learn to love mud?
Elizabeth
07/28/2011 at 9:53 AM Permalink
How fun to see you here, Sal! Yes, the trick is balancing the lessons from the past without letting them overwhelm the presence. Sigh…
08/04/2011 at 9:21 AM Permalink
Like Jay’s comment–would agree completely. But I’d add that I think it’s OK to be sad. Life’s full of sad realizations like this–and I have them every day with my kids, too. In fact, I told my daughter just the other day (she just turned 4): Do you think you could stay 4 forever? I wasn’t kidding. But, I also realize, like you do, that some of the absolute best things life has to offer them (and me) are ahead. So, while it’s incredibly sad to know my daughter will never look at me the same way she did TODAY, I also think about what’s ahead: her first dance recital, her first concert, her first tattoo (wait, did I say that out loud?)
Life is so fleeting. I just try to enjoy every single moment I have with them.
08/04/2011 at 9:27 AM Permalink
Elizabeth, what a touching glimpse at the reality of parenting. We celebrated our oldest daughter’s 7th birthday just last night and I understand where you are coming from. When I see the joy and wonder (in the midst of the chaos of two little ones) I can’t help but think it will be gone sooner than we think. Thanks for sharing.
- Richie
@vedo